The next time someone asks you a dumb question, wouldn't you like to respond like this... Yesterday I was at PetsMart buying a large bag of dog food for my loyal pet Cooper the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, 'No, I don't have a dog. I am starting the dog food diet again.' I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with dog food nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works; well, and I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetsMart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!
Many thanks Tammy, my favorite Canuk.
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