A Few Laughs To Brighten You Day

On their way to get married, a young catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident, The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they to wonder. Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived the asked him.
St. Peter say, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. As they waited they discussed that if they were allowed to get married, what was the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work? they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?
After yet another month, St' Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven/
"Great" said the couple. "But we were wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground/
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"Oh, come on". St. Peter shouts, "it took me three months to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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An American lawyer asked, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?'
'Who told you that?' asked Paddy.

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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.'
'That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'

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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.. 'Quick!', he said.
'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!'
'Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked.
'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.'

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door. 'Brenda, may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin'
to tell ya'.
'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.. But where's
my husband?'
'That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident
down at the Guinness brewery'
'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda. 'Please don't tell me.'
'I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. 'How did it happen, Tim?'
'It was terrible, Brenda.. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned.'
'Oh my dear! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?'
'Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.'

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.'

A thank you to Lorraine, Tony, Jim and Patrick