" Today scientists released the DNA results from the mammal found in north Georgia, believed to be Bigfoot. But instead of being the corpse of the long-sought monster of lore, it turned out to be the alive body of a slumbering celebrity athlete.
"We ran the tests 3 times just to make sure, and it has conclusively shown every time that it wasn't Bigfoot. It was one of the Williams sisters. While we can't be positive which one, our money's on Serena", reported Jack Gruner, head of genetics at UCLA.
"She explained to us that she was taking a hike in the woods of Georgia to clear her head. Then she got tired, lied down to take a nap - And the next thing she knows she's trapped in a freezer full of ice by local rednecks."
Following the results, Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer stood by their original claims.
"Come on - There ain't no way that ain't no Bigfoot. Does ya' really think we's gonna mix up Serena Williams with a big, tall, muscular, hairy monster? Actually... Now that I thinks about it, that kinda do make sense."
Following her release, Bigfoot went on to Beijing to lose the Olympic quarterfinals 6-3, 4-6, 3-6."
Hope this clears things up.
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